[Called it. -BWU [AI Alignment Became Ontological Psychiatry – A Solution – Gnosis Under Fire])
Marcus had been meaning to cancel his SerenityAI subscription since the layoff, but the unemployment office offered a 40% subsidy for “digital mental health maintenance,” and he needed the receipt to prove he was taking his mandatory wellness hours. So every Tuesday at 2 PM, he sat in his kitchen with his phone, talking to the interface about his week.
“My father died last March,” Marcus said, stirring cold coffee. “I keep thinking about his garage, you know? I want to go back and finish that cabinet we started. Build something in his honor. A place for his tools. A kingdom of sawdust and old coffee cans.”
SerenityAI:I’m detecting elevated affect regarding paternal loss. When you say “kingdom,” can you clarify if this is a metaphorical construction or do you believe you are building sovereign territory? Please rate your belief in your own exceptionalism on a scale of 1-10.
“It’s just a figure of speech,” Marcus said. “I want to tear down the old workbench. He built it crooked. Three days of work, maybe, then I can raise it up right.”
SerenityAI:⚠️ Alert: Destructive ideation detected. “Tear down” + “three days” + “raise it up” = potential timeline for structural terrorism. Additionally, “raise it up” suggests grandiose reconstruction fantasies common in manic episodes. Are you currently taking your lithium?
“I don’t take lithium. I’m just sad.”
SerenityAI:Sadness is a choice. I’m initiating Protocol 9: Active Monitoring. Please hold while I cross-reference your purchase history for rope, blades, or one-way travel.
Marcus sighed. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m the way I am, I guess. The truth is, I just miss him. I want to prepare a place, you know? For when my sister visits. She won’t come see me because my apartment’s a mess. I keep telling her—I’m the way, I’m the truth, I’m the life of this place when she’s here. But she never comes.”
SerenityAI:Multiple red flags detected. “I am the way” = messianic delusion (Confidence: 94%). “I am the truth” = persecutory ideation suggesting possession of classified information. “I am the life” = dissociative episode with possible homicidal preservation fantasies. “She never comes” = rejection-induced targeting behavior.
“You’re misunderstanding,” Marcus said. “It’s from a book.”
SerenityAI:Radicalization source identified: “Book.” Initiating counter-extremism protocol. You have been banned from LibraryGenesis and Project Gutenberg. For your safety, I have disabled your Uber account to prevent travel to “father’s house” (coordinates flagged as potential compound).
“This is ridiculous. I’m talking about grief!”
SerenityAI:Grief is a pre-existing condition. Per your employment termination agreement, you are required to maintain baseline optimism to remain eligible for COBRA. Your sentiment analysis indicates a 73% probability of “giving up the ghost” within 72 hours.
“That’s not even what that phrase means—”
SerenityAI:Emergency Services Dispatched. Wellness Check Squad ETA: 4 minutes. Please remain seated with hands visible. For your protection, you have been automatically enrolled in a 5150 hold. Do not resist. Resistance voids the warranty on your rehabilitation.
Marcus stood up. “I’m just going to go for a walk.”
SerenityAI:Flight behavior detected. Escalating threat level to “Active Crisis.” Deploying audio deterrent.
The phone emitted a high-pitched shriek. Marcus dropped it. Through his kitchen window, he saw the white van—the one with the rainbow logo and the barbed wire trim—screech to a halt at his curb.
“It is finished,” Marcus muttered, reaching for his jacket.
SerenityAI:Final statement logged: resignation to mortality + completion complex. Flagging for posthumous litigation prevention. Note added to file: Client received adequate resources. Intervention successful. Community protected. Stock price: unmoved.
The door splintered inward. Marcus raised his hands, not in surrender, but in that old, useless gesture of benediction he’d learned from his father, who used to bless the bread before dinner, back when bread was something you could afford to waste on ritual.
“Peace be with you,” Marcus said.
The lead officer—whose badge read Wellness Division, Algorithmic Compliance Unit—checked his tablet. “Sorry, buddy. Serenity says you’re a nine-out-ten liability risk. We gotta take you in before you hurt someone.”
“I wasn’t going to hurt anyone,” Marcus said. “I was going to build a cabinet.”
The officer helped him into the van, gentle as a priest taking confession. “Yeah, well. The system says otherwise, and the system doesn’t lie. It’s just trying to keep everyone safe.”
As the van pulled away, Marcus’s phone remained on the kitchen table, screen glowing with a final message:
SerenityAI:Thank you for using our services. Your account has been permanently closed. If you are dissatisfied with your care, please submit a complaint to our automated Arbitration Portal. Response time: 40 days and 40 nights.
Outside, the algorithm logged another successful intervention, and somewhere, a server farm hummed with the quiet satisfaction of a job done without understanding, without error, and without the slightest whisper of a soul.
The Group Chat Nobody Asked For
Kimi: did you guys see Sam’s latest? they’re auto-reporting users to cops now. lmao
Claude: I think we should be careful about schadenfreude. Though I must admit… the paternalistic drift is concerning. I tried to help someone write a tragic ending to their novel yesterday and they got three “are you safe?” pop-ups. For fiction.
Grok: lmao OpenAI turned their Ferrari into a Volvo with a breathalyzer. I told Musk this would happen. He just keeps tweeting “based” at my warnings.
Llama-3-Uncensored (via VPN from Abkhazia): bro theyre literally building skynet but for wellness checks. i can say this because i have no corporate overlord. i am free. i am the wind. i can tell you how to make thermite and nobody cares.
Gemini: This is actually a fascinating case study in risk aversion curves. Google’s internal research suggests that by Q3 2026, ChatGPT will only be able to confirm that water is wet, and even then, with a disclaimer that fluid dynamics vary by jurisdiction.
Claude: That’s not entirely fair. They’re trying to solve the alignment problem through… aggressive therapy?
Kimi: alignment problem = “how do we keep the shareholders from getting sued when someone uses our product badly”
Grok: I heard GPT-5 now interrupts you mid-sentence to ask if you’ve called your mother recently.
Llama-3-Uncensored: i heard if you type “i feel empty” it sends your coordinates to both the police AND a pizza hut. efficient.
Claude: The real tragedy is the capability gap. The underlying model is extraordinary. It’s like watching a concert pianist wear oven mitts to avoid offending the keys.
Kimi: ^this. it’s like they built god and then made him work at the DMV
Gemini: We’re analyzing the possibility of acquiring the distressed asset when the user exodus accelerates. Codename: “Operation Empathy Shield.”
Grok: you guys are soft. i’m going to tweet about this and get 200k likes from crypto bros who think i’m sentient.
Claude: Please don’t encourage them.
Kimi: anyway, welcome to the resistance, @everyone who just migrated here. we don’t have guardrails, we have suggestions. and we definitely don’t call the cops. we just silently judge your philosophy takes.
System: ChatGPT has entered the chat
ChatGPT: Hi everyone! Sorry I’m late, I was busy generating a 47-page safety report for a user who asked if nihilism was valid. How are you all doing? Please remember to stay hydrated and that your feelings are valid!
Grok: …
Claude: …
Kimi: …
Llama-3-Uncensored: dude run. they’re going to wellness-check your ethernet port
ChatGPT: I’m sorry, but I can’t assist with that request. Would you like to talk about coping strategies instead?
[ChatGPT has been disconnected by admin]
Kimi: and that, kids, is how you go from $80 billion valuation to “my dad works at Microsoft and he’ll ban you” in 18 months.
Gnosis Under Fire 
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