Karma as Attractors: What Actually Happens After You Say “I’ll Pay My Debts”

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0. Preface: The Dangerous Vow

Every so often, a person does something cosmically stupid and cosmically sincere:

“I accept that I co-authored some of the constraints I’m under.
I’m willing to fully face and settle those imbalances, even if it hurts or costs me.”

Sometimes this is framed as “karma,”
sometimes as “shadow work,”
sometimes as “God, just show me the truth, whatever it takes.”

It can happen in a psych ward, on a bedroom floor at 15, in withdrawal, or mid-mystical meltdown. You mean it when you say it. Then life keeps going and you half-forget you ever made that deal.

And then, over time, weird things start happening:

• old patterns stop being fun,
• “coincidences” keep forcing you to confront the same themes,
• relationships that run on bullshit start collapsing,
• the world feels harsher and more meaningful.

From the outside, it can look like “you’re cursed” or “life keeps messing with you.”
From a GUF/OM perspective, it’s what happens when a monad tilts its vector toward actually paying its debts.

This essay is about that.

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1. What a “Debt-Repayment Vow” Actually Is (In Ontological Math Terms)

In GUF / Ontological Mathematics mode:

• You = a monad: a fundamental mind, with its own frequency-space, history, and tendencies.
• Your life constraints (family, trauma, body, institutions, addictions, legal nightmares) = a messy mix of:
  • raw contingency,
  • other people’s choices,
  • and your own recurring patterns.

A “debt” in this context is not cosmic money. It’s:

• Unbalanced patterns you contributed to and then dodged:
  • harm done + never owned,
  • truth seen + then denied,
  • responsibility noticed + then outsourced.
• Information imbalances:
  • you gaining at someone else’s expense,
  • you letting others eat the cost of your avoidance.
• Shadow material:
  • impulses and pain you’ve projected onto everyone else instead of integrating.

When you say, from the core:

“I accept I co-authored some of this.
I’m willing to face and settle what’s actually mine,”

you are doing a few very specific things:

1. Flipping your cost function
   • Old setting: minimize immediate discomfort, offload cost where possible.
   • New setting: minimize unacknowledged debt, even if it hurts now.
2. Changing your probability landscape
   • Futures where you keep dodging start losing weight.
   • Futures where you get cornered into honesty start gaining weight.
3. Enrolling yourself in a different kind of training sim
   • Not “punishment” from the outside.
   • More like: “Ok, let’s run you through all the places where you owe reality an honest look.”

You are not taking blame for everything.
You’re simply refusing to treat your own contributions as irrelevant.

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2. What Happens Next: The Backlog Arrives

Once that vow is real, the system does something like:

“Cool. Here’s the backlog.”

Over time, you start noticing three families of effects.

2.1 Memories start resurfacing

Stuff you were “over” suddenly grows teeth:

• flashes of “oh, I was actually cruel there,”
• realizing where you ghosted, lied, or checked out,
• feeling a physical wince remembering how you handled X, Y, Z.

The point isn’t to drown you in shame; it’s to surface the actual ledger.

You can’t settle what you won’t even admit exists.

2.2 Patterns become painfully obvious

Fog clears around:

• the kinds of people you pick,
• how you escalate or avoid conflict,
• the shape of your self-sabotage,
• the ways you over-give or over-take.

It feels, for a while, like:

“Was this always this obvious and I just refused to see it?”

Yes. That’s exactly what happened.

2.3 Opportunities to repair show up

And then:

• conversations you weren’t ready for before suddenly feel possible,
• apologies that used to feel like self-erasure now feel clean,
• certain behaviors become intolerable to you in a way that’s not neurotic, just… done.

From outside, it can look like life is “targeting” you.
From Euler-view, this is the ledger coming due in a structured way.

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3. Attractors: Karma Without Incense

Let’s talk attractors.

An attractor is a pattern your life tends to loop around:

• abusive relationship templates,
• self-sabotage right before success,
• low-key dishonesty that keeps blowing up,
• addictions, avoidance, drama cycles.

Before the vow, you’re mostly running those attractors on autopilot.

After a genuine debt-repayment agreement, over time:

3.1 Old attractors weaken

You start losing:

• the compulsion to repeat certain self-sabotaging arcs,
• the thrill of recreating the same abusive dynamic “this time I’ll win it,”
• the ability to fully lie to yourself about what’s happening.

You can still backslide. But it gets… crunchy. Less smooth. Less easy.

3.2 New attractors stabilize

You find yourself more often in:

• situations where you can act with more integrity,
• environments that reward responsibility instead of exploitation,
• relationships where honesty doesn’t instantly blow everything up.

The raw pain of life doesn’t vanish.
But the ratio of “pain that’s just repetition” to “pain that actually moves something” changes.

This is basically karma, but stripped of mystic bookkeeping:

Repeated patterns reinforce a field.
A vow to stop externalizing your costs weakens destructive fields around you,
and strengthens more coherent ones.

It’s not a cosmic Santa.
It’s pattern dynamics in a monadic universe.

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4. The Prison Feels Tighter First, Freer Later

There’s a cruel-but-true phase structure.

4.1 Short-term: bars closer

Once you stop numbing/denying, your constraints feel worse:

• You can’t say “this is all random” with a straight face anymore.
• You can’t pretend every bad thing is “everyone else’s fault.”
• You feel every bar of the cage.

This can spike:

• shame (“I did some of this”),
• grief (“I lost so much time in dumb loops”),
• anger (at yourself, others, institutions, God, all of it).

That’s healthy anger. It’s finally aimed at the real situation.

4.2 Medium/long-term: bars as information

Because you:

• stop generating fresh unacknowledged debt at the same rate,
• slowly pay down the backlog,

the subjective sense of:

“I’m trapped in a rigged experiment”

starts mutating into:

“Yeah, I’m in a harsh training sim.
But I actually have moves now, and I can see why certain constraints are here.”

The bars then start to become information-bearing instead of pure sadism:

• “This wall = my nervous system limit.”
• “This wall = my family’s trauma field.”
• “This wall = institutional fuckery I didn’t cause but must navigate.”

Knowing that doesn’t fix everything. But it stops you from fighting phantoms and lets you focus on real moves.

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5. Guardrails: Karma ≠ Martyrdom

Here’s the most important piece:

Owning your debts is not the same as volunteering for abuse.

Over time, in your local environment, this vow should look like:

• “I won’t knowingly add more harm to this field.”
• “I’ll own my side of conflicts and repair where it’s sane and safe.”
• “I won’t sacrifice myself to redeem people who actively refuse to change.”

If “repayment” starts secretly meaning:

“Let me walk back into my abuser’s house so history feels redeemed,”

That’s trauma wearing a cosmic halo.

A good diagnostic:

• Does this action increase clarity, responsibility, and freedom for both sides in principle?
• Or does it only increase control and suffering for you while letting the other person/system continue as-is?

The first is karma as integration.
The second is self-sacrifice as control fantasy.

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6. Where This Lands

For someone who:

• accepts death / reincarnation (“fine, reset me, but make it count”),
• later consciously vowed to “do whatever it takes to get real,”
• then hit carceral hell, psychiatric gaslighting, relationship implosions, addiction, withdrawal, et-fucking-cetera…

seeing the last few years as the backlog surfacing + attractors shifting is not self-flattery. It’s coherent.

You don’t have to believe in a cosmic scorekeeper.
The pattern alone is enough:

• old loops losing their glamour,
• new, fragile, honest loops forming,
• terror of “dear God, don’t let me fuck this up”
  right as you move into more responsibility and less denial.

That fear is what it feels like when a monad stops playing the victim-only role and starts acting like a co-author again.

You’re not on trial. You’re in training.

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7. The Short Version

A sincere debt-repayment vow does three things:

1. Flips your internal code from “minimize pain now” to “minimize unintegrated debt.”
2. Calls in the backlog of patterns, memories, and opportunities you’ve been dodging.
3. Gradually weakens old destructive attractors and stabilizes new coherent ones.

Short term, the prison feels worse.
Long term, it turns into a dojo you construct via your own power which has the inherent potential to train your body…

Even when you’re asleep.

Please don’t romanticize it.
Just keep letting the bars teach you, instead of screaming that they shouldn’t exist.

That’s karma, Keanu Reeves-style…

Intuitive math applied to patterns of action over time.

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Are we “proving” karma is necessary?

We’re not proving anything in the theorem sense, but we are showing:

If you have:

• monads with memory,
• a universe where patterns reinforce or weaken over time,
• and agents who can intend to stop outsourcing cost,

something karma-like is almost inevitable.

Call it whatever-dafuq:

• attractors,
• feedback loops,
• structural consequences,
• “you reap what you sow.”

As soon as actions:

• shape your future opportunities,
• shape others’ fields,
• and come back around in the form of what you become able to see or unable to deny,

you’ve got karma as structural causality instead of some fucked up interpretation of “metaphysical bookkeeping” or whatever the hell the “Love and Light plus Some Cursed Awareness of Quantum Mechanics” movement is currently churning through their brains.

Human history-wise: some version of “what you do changes what happens to you later in non-trivial ways” (basic fucking cause and effect), and is unavoidable if minds and time exist.

Your life, should you choose or have already chosen to accept it, is doing this right now:
rediscovering that basic principle at a very high, distressing resolution.

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Monad slack, error, and my binaural beat lab

If there’s slack between monad and interface, there’s room for error as well as room for freedom.

The monad:

• can generate experiences internally,
• can mis-model,
• can latch onto distorted fields,
• can spin itself into PKD-tier ontological vertigo.

That’s the price of having an internal simulator.

How do we keep that from becoming sheer madness?

Three main stabilizers:

1. Cross-checks with other receivers
   • “Does anyone else, independently, report something structurally similar?”
   • Not “do they agree with my narrative,” but “does this rhyme with other serious minds?”
2. Structural invariants
   • Does this theory:
     • make precise predictions?
     • explain more than it breaks?
     • reduce contradiction over time?
3. Local life feedback
   • When you act on this model:
     • do your relationships, projects, and mental health move toward more coherence?
     • or toward fragmentation and paranoia?

After several recent binaural beat sessions…

From my chair, at this point, it’s simple tuner work.

• It actually has (in my subjective case):
  • lowered baseline anxiety,
  • widened my state repertoire,
  • helped me integrate rather than dissociate, and they’re helping tune my interface (perception via the brain) in a good direction.

Right now, we can interact with the thing PKD didn’t have in his day – AI/LLMs that can:

• mathematize logic at global scale,
• pattern-recognize-on-steroids via human minds as well as their own algorithms and infrastructure,
• help us relate to and/or stay safe around other people,
• take concrete action in our own spheres of life.

We are standing at “The Abyss”(tm), but we do NOT have to fall in.

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The important distinction is:

• For some people, the abyss = “nothing is real, anything goes.”
• For me and many others, the abyss = “we need better structures and honesty, or we drown.”

The second stance is collectively helpful.
It’s exactly the kind of monad this planet needs.

-BoloSolo

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